Hogwarts Finishing School
by limesoda
Summary: Draco wants everyone to be as posh as him. He starts an etiquette class where he clashes with Harry. Will be H/D!
1. Chapter 1

Looking at the Gryffindor table made Draco want to squeeze the pulp out of the orange he was holding.

First of all, there was Seamus. He was telling a story animatedly, speaking far too loud and knocking things over with his flailing arms. Then there was Neville, who deemed it appropriate to bring a huge potted mandrake, leaking droplets of stinksap and all, and place it right beside the plate of grilled cheese sandwiches. Then there was that horrid she-weasel, who was making him lose his appetite with the repeated view of her tongue she gave as she enthusiastically kissed her current boyfriend, a 7th year.

But worst of all definitely had to be Potter. He was surrounded by classless gryffindors, acting rowdy and uncouth, and still managed to stand out as the worst. His hair was so horrible Draco was surprised he wasn't embarrassed to go out in public. His shoes were so scuffed that the sole flapped noisily in the front whenever he walked. And his foul round glasses. The frames were made of _plastic_. The thought of this horrible muggle invention made Draco shudder.

Draco wanted to turn away, but he kept looking out of morbid fascination. Dear God, where did he get his clothes? Did he go shopping in a dumpster? Perhaps he learned the habit from Weasley, who probably visits the dump daily to scrounge up food for his oversized family.

Speaking of the Weasel, Draco shifted his eyes to watch him, disgusted, as he shovelled food into his mouth.

"I didn't know it was possible to ingest food and regurgitate it at the same time", he sniffed.

Next to him, Pansy looked up from her plate. "I know, it's simply dreadful dear."

"Why do they even allow these monkeys into this school? It's unfair that we're forced to watch their hideous behaviour" Draco whined.

Blaise nodded in agreement and Pansy patted Draco on the back sympathetically.

"Not everyone can afford to go to St-Claudine de Sailly" she said, referring to the French finishing school they went to every July for two weeks.

"That's no excuse," Draco grumbled.

"Well, where else are they supposed to learn manners if their unrefined parents don't teach them anything?"

Draco stared at Pansy for a minute.

"Yes! That's exactly what we need here. An etiquette class where student learn how to dress and conduct themselves properly".

Blaise and Pansy raised their eyebrows, surprised.

"So what are you proposing?" asked Blaise.

"Hogwarts should start a mini finishing school. It wouldn't have to take too much time away from other classes, it can even be just one hour a week."

"Who would be the teacher?" Pansy asked, eyes scanning the head table.

Draco could barely contain himself, he was so excited.

"Me! Of course, since naturally I'm the most aristocratic and well-mannered person in the school".

Pansy and Blaise glanced at each other and looked at him sceptically.

"You think you'd actually be allowed to lead a class?" Pansy pointed out. "Everyone will think you're just trying to brainwash people into joining the dark arts.

"Besides, who would want to be taught manners by a slytherin? You know what other houses think of us," Blaise commented.

Draco scowled at them. "We'll see about that", he said, excusing himself from the table. During lunch hour period, most teachers ate quickly in the Great Hall then retreated to their office to prepare for their afternoon classes. For most matters, Draco went to see Snape, but for this he knew he needed the credibility of another house. Thus, he found himself waiting outside Mcgonagall's office on the second floor, mentally rehearsing what he'd say.

He had a full speech prepared along with a list of several reasons why she should give him permission to host a class, but all of this turned out to be unnecessary.

As soon as she'd come round and he'd told her his idea, she agreed enthusiastically.

"I dare say the students could use some coaching in the manners department," she said, patting her bun thoughtfully. "Why, just this morning I had to apprehend at least 8 students for using foul language in my class. If things continue this way, imagine how badly it will reflect on the school. Our students need to know they're representing Hogwarts, the best magical school in all of Britain!" she exclaimed.

Draco nodded, "I wholeheartedly agree, Professor. I was hoping that-"

"Mr. Malfoy, I think you would make a wonderful teacher for this class".

Draco gasped, hardly believing his luck. "Really professor? Thank you!".

Mcgonagall smiled. "I would love to do it myself, but I'm already drowning in work this term between instructing 6 classes and taking over Headmaster duties whenever Dumbledore is away. You will report to me every week to go over the lesson plan, and the classes will take place on Friday afternoons in the Transfiguration classroom. I will give a sign up list to each house Head, and instruct them to advertise the class to students.

Draco was pleased, except with the last bit. "But professor! It should be mandatory instead of just allowing people to _sign up_! Who knows how many people will show up voluntarily!"

Mcgonagall spoke firmly, "I am already giving you enormous privileges by allowing you to conduct this class. This idea is just in the trial phase, I would like to test it out with a few students before implementing it on a larger scale."

Draco knew there was no use arguing, so he let it go. Bowing slightly, he thanked the Professor and made his way to his friends, excited to see the looks on their faces when he informed them of his new position.


	2. the first class

Draco was pleased to see a large sign up board already posted in the Slytherin common room when he entered it that evening. He sat down in his favourite spot and was watching Crabbe and Goyle arm wrestle when Snape strode into the room.

"Attention, everyone" he boomed. The Slytherins looked up at him with bored expressions on their faces. Usually, Snape only made announcements about pointless procedural rules or a change in exam scheduling.

"Due to the lack of basic comportment of many students, our very own Draco Malfoy has decided to begin an etiquette class. Of course, few slytherins actually need them compared to the rest of the brats running around the halls, but nevertheless consider signing up if you are interested."

He turned to Draco when he said "Draco, thank you for taking on this task. I'd be delighted if you can manage to tame those boorish Gryffindors into something presentable to civil society."

Draco saluted him with a smile. "I'll do my best, Sir."

Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor common room, all hell was breaking loose. A large crowd had gathered around the notice board after McGonagall had made the announcement.

"What could that git be up to?" Ron asked, nudging Harry. "He must be planning something evil."

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed, exasperated. "If McGonagall trusts him, so should we. Besides, I think he's on to something here. You two could definitely use a refresher course on how to be gentlemen".

"Are you mad, Hermione? This is obviously a trap! He wants to rope as many people as possible into some dastardly scheme. He'll trick everyone into learning Dark magic or something. Or what if he booby traps the room? Or, he could just curse us all and feed us to You-Know-Who!" Ron exclaimed.

"It's definitely a trap" Neville chimed in, and a chorus of Gryffindors, both girls and boys, agreed with him.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fine, I don't care about the rest of you. But Ron and Harry, both of you are signing up with me."

Ron turned to Harry pleadingly, but Harry was deep in thought. "If Malfoy's up to something... we should definitely keep an eye on him. I agree with Ron, I don't think it's safe to leave him in charge of a bunch of students completely unsupervised."

Hermioned frowned slightly. "So you agree to go?"

"Just to check it out" Harry said. "Ron, we won't know what he's planning unless we actually see for ourselves. We have to get to the bottom of this".

Ron sighed and mumbled "whatever", watching Hermione sign their names on the board neatly.

"I wonder who else will be brave enough to join?" he commented to no one in particular.

He found out next week, Friday afternoon, when they were seated in the Transfiguration classroom.

He was actually impressed with the turnout. About as many students showed up as when they had their first meeting of the DA. Hermione had managed to convince several more Gryffindors to come by, including Lavender, Parvati and Ginny, enticing them with the idea that maybe Draco would provide them with an expensive makeover, including wardrobe. The idea of a finishing school seemed to appeal much more to women than to men, and to Harry and Ron's dismay, they were the only two males in the class. They looked at each other nervously while the girls surrounding them chattered excitedly about learning about French cuisine and ballroom dancing.

Draco stood at the front, leaning against the wall and talking comfortably with Pansy and Blaise until the clock struck 5 o'clock. He straightened himself and faced the room.

"Welcome, everybody to Hogwarts official finishing school! No matter how bad your usual behaviour, you all show excellent taste in choosing to come here. I, along with my two assistants, Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini, are graduates of the etiquette program at St-Claudine de Sailly, the most prestigious wizard's finishing school in the world. I assure you we are well schooled in the art of refinement and are pleased to have the opportunity to share our wisdom with you."

He glanced around, beaming at everyone. "I have prepared the course syllabus for your perusal; Pansy would you be so kind?" He gestured for her to pass out the stack of parchment behind him.

Harry glanced down at his as Draco continued talking.

_Draco Malfoy's 8 Week Finishing School_

Lesson 1: Common courtesies & behavior in public

Lesson 2: Listening and communication skills

Lesson 3: Body language and personal appearance

Lesson 4: Dressing to impress

Lesson 5: Dining and social etiquette

Lesson 6: Appreciating the arts

Lesson 7: Essentials of entertaining

Lesson 8: Final Examination

"Please note that lesson 4 and lesson 8 will take place outside of school. I've arranged with McGonagall to have two outings to Hogmeade, the first of which to learn about appropriate clothing styles and the second will be a formal ball where you will prove yourselves worthy of graduating from this program".

Harry was beginning to get sceptical about his theory that Malfoy was up to something. The only dodgy thing about all this etiquette stuff was that it was extraordinarily boring. He glanced at Ron, to glean his reaction, but Ron had turned to him with eyes widened with fear.

"Harry!" he hissed. "Look at lesson 6; appreciating the _arts_! We all know what arts he's talking about!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. Her hand shot up and Draco nodded at her.

"Malfoy, can you clarify what we'll be learning in lesson 6?" she asked.

He glanced down at his parchment. "Of course; the lesson on appreciating the arts. We'll be learning about various forms of art, from music to architecture and fine art. It's important to recognize and celebrate good craftsmanship. What is life for if not for indulging in the finer pleasures? Believe it or not, but even here at Hogwarts we have some examples of fine art. On the fifth floor, next to the second year's charms class there is a tapestry of Gordon the great that was done by the Scottish artist Naic Maeven that is a wonderful example of the late baroque style..."

Ron leaned over to Harry. "Completely barmy, this git," he whispered. Harry nodded, trying to keep focused, but this was all about as interesting to him as a flobberworm trying to climb up a tree.

Malfoy waxed poetic about Hogwart's various art pieces for several minutes before turning back to the lesson.

"We will begin today's lesson on common courtesy and public behaviour by demonstrating an example of wrong behaviour. Who would like to volunteer to come up and show everyone?" He eyed room, stopping at Harry. "Hmm, Potter, why don't you come up here and join me for this?"

Hermione shoved Harry's shoulders, urging him on and Ron looked at him, alarmed. "Watch out," he mouthed.

Malfoy turned spun Harry's shoulders so that they were facing each other. "Alright Potter. Pretend we're in a narrow hallway and I'm blocking your way. What do you say to get past me?"

"Er... budge up?" Harry tried. The class exploded into giggles.

"No!" said Malfoy sternly. "You say excuse me or pardon me. Let's try something else. We're in the great Hall having dinner and there's only one piece of treacle tart left. What do you do?"

Harry thought carefully this time. If this happened to him, what would he honestly do?

"I would let someone else have it then I would go to the kitchens and ask the house elves to get me some more".

The room giggled some more and Malfoy narrowed his eyes. "That won't always be an option, Potter," he huffed. He turned and nodded at Pansy and Blaise. They stepped forward as Draco announced, "For our next exercise, Pansy and Blaise will have a conversation, slowly raising the level of their voices, and you, Potter, tell them when they are too loud."

Harry and Ron exchanged a bewildered glance, but watched raptly as Pansy and Blaise began to converse. They grew more animated and their laughter grew louder and their hand gestures wider. Draco grimaced and glanced at Harry, waiting for him to say something.

"AND THEN HE SLIPPED AND FELL ON HIS TOAD! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" shrieked Pansy.

"ENOUGH!" Draco yelled. "Potter, why didn't you stop them?"

"Huh?" Potter shrugged. "They looked like they were having fun. Why bother them?"

"Because, Potter, _they're_ bothering _us_.

Ron stood up from the back of the room. "Harry's right. Who cares if someone gets a little excited during a conversation. Just let them be!"

Draco glared at Ron, livid. He had a thousand nasty things he wanted to say but Pansy put a comforting hand on his shoulder and he took a deep breath. He didn't earn top honours at St-Claudine de Sailly's for nothing! "When people share a public space, they have to be considerate of the others in the room. We are not animals, and we need to be respectful of the other people around. Also, there are ways to communicate more effectively than yelling. It should be the words that matter, not how loud you say them." He looked around the room, calmer, now that he noticed many girls nodding thoughtfully.

"Now that we have some examples of bad public behaviour, I'll pass out this worksheet with some more situations and we'll discuss as a class what the best behaviour would be. Please, don't be shy to give your input. I'm sure none of you can be as bad as Potter!" He laughed and the rest of the class laughed and the sheets were passed around. Harry scowled and took his seat.

"I'm never coming back, even if Hermione promises to do all my homework for the rest of the term", he leaned over and whispered to Ron.

"I hear you mate," Ron whispered back.

Somehow, they survived the rest of the lesson, and over an hour later, they were walking towards the common room with Hermione.

"Wasn't that great?" she gushed. "Malfoy's really thought through his lesson plan. It's like getting formal schooling worth thousands of galleons for free!"

Harry and Ron knew better than to argue. Instead, Harry decided to break it to her gently.

"Listen, Hermione... we only went to confirm whether Malfoy was up to something. Now that we know he's not, there's really no point in us going anymore," he said watching her face hopefully. Unfortunately, he was out of luck. Hermione's face darkened and she glared at them both.

"You guys think you're too good for these classes? You think you don't need them? The entire gryffindor house is the laughing stock of the school, and you two," she said, jabbing their chests, "are the worst of the bunch! Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to sit next to you, Ron, when we're in the great hall? Everybody is making bets on how many drumsticks you'll shove into your face at the same time! And you, Harry- do you know how many people have asked me if ripped soles are some bizarre muggle fashion? Both of you need to learn respect for yourselves and for other people. This class will help you guys become gentlemen!"

"That's all fine, 'Mione, but this lesson was torture. I can't stand all those stupid rules that Malfoy's made up. He wants to control everything we do! How we talk, walk, how we dress and even how we _eat_! Who died and made him king of the universe?"

Hermione glared. "He didn't make those rules up, Ron. All the advice he gave today is solid. You guys could seriously learn from him!"

The boys shook their heads. Hermione stood with her hands on her hips, ready to open her mouth and argue some more.

Harry thought fast, and said "We'll think about it," quickly to appease her.

She smiled. "I know you'll do the right thing" as she moved past them and entered their common room.


End file.
